


love.

by fallingforstays



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 5 Times, Coming Out, Falling In Love, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Read at Your Own Risk, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 04:29:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18461513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallingforstays/pseuds/fallingforstays
Summary: 5 times jeongin fell in love with the prettiest boy in the world, and 1 time he didn't.





	love.

i.

jeongin doesn't think he’s exaggerating when he says that hwang hyunjin is the prettiest boy he’s ever met.

at han jisung’s 13th birthday party, jeongin met a boy he never knew existed until that day.

jeongin was the first person to arrive at his new friend jisung’s house, his parents had dropped him off and jisung had welcomed him in with open arms.

now, the boy didn't show up until much later, at least until jeongin has been at jisung’s house for 2 or so hours. he had a lot of fun talking to jisung’s other friends, felix and chan.

“guys, hyunjinnie is here.”

the birthday boy had interrupted their slime making session as the door opened, revealing a boy who was probably older than most people at the party. the boy at the door gave a shy wave and walked in, immediately being pulled into a hug by the guests, leaving just jeongin and seungmin (who didn't know hyunjin at the time).

“hi hyunjin, i’m jeongin.”

jeongin introduced himself to the older boy, as the other smiled, showing off his dimples.

at that moment, jeongin knew, he was falling in love with hyunjin.

on the same night, the 9 friends were inside a well-renovated shed outside of jisung’s house, it was painted white and instead of actual lights, there were dimly lit fairy lights inside the shed. there was one sofa, and a bean bag situated on the end.

jeongin and hyunjin took seats next to each other on the couch, as others scrabbled for spots until felix ended up on the arm rest, minho beside felix on the couch, then hyunjin and jeongin, then jisung, chan on the bean bag and changbin and seungmin on the floor.

like that, they settled to watch the movie caroline, and the friends were debating every once in a while about why the movie scared them when they were younger.

“hey hyunjin,”

jeongin whispered as the movie proceeded to the climax, and the older boy looked at jeongin, tearing his attention away from the tv.

“you’re really pretty.”

jeongin doesn't know what came over him, but there was a sudden burst of courage as hyunjin smiled, turning his head so he was watching the movie again. jeongin smiled to himself and took a photo of hyunjin being completely immersed in the movie.

it became jeongin’s favourite photo, and it marked the first time he fell for the older.

ii.

strangely, jeongin never noticed hyunjin, even though they were in the same art class. the younger remembers vividly, the time where hyunjin messed around so much.

they were painting the sculptures they had made earlier in the year, and stupidly, jeongin decided to make one of a fidget spinner.

he hates it.

but for a good grade, anything was worth it in the eyes of jeongin.

as their double art class drew to an end, hyunjin called for the attention of jeongin, and the younger had, of course, looked.

“haha, look at the picture, jeongin.”

hyunjin had taken a surprise picture, as jeongin had at jisung’s birthday party, but different. jeongin was never confident about being in pictures, never confident in the way he looked. especially then, when he had what almost seemed like a mullet.

but he loved it. he loved hyunjin’s randomness, despite his seriousness at times, and he loved hyunjin’s laugh.

to him, it was like music.

jeongin also loved the way his name rolled off hyunjin’s tongue, even when it was something bad.

in retaliation, jeongin called hyunjin’s name out of the blues as well, but the other was surprisingly unbothered when jeongin took the picture.

“i took one too!”

he exclaimed excitedly, but hyunjin was already ignoring him, talking to his other friends as jeongin felt like a lost puppy, not knowing what to do.

it was the second picture he had taken of hyunjin, the second time he fell in love, but also the first time he felt hopeless and heartbroken.

iii.

at the end of year 7, jeongin had told jisung and felix about his little crush on hyunjin. both of whom were okay with it, coming out to him as bi as well.

he didn't like it when they pestered him about his sexuality. to him, it didn't matter, but it didn't stop him from searching up the list of sexualities when he was home and settling with the one he felt the most relations to.

amidst year 8, jeongin began struggling with his mental health, with himself.

he couldn't register what was happening to him, but by term 2 of year 8, his usual happiness has degraded into a pit of depression, and he was a mess.

with no one he trusts enough to tell to, jeongin began doing the unspeakable.

he began harming himself.

throughout term 2, jeongin had numerous cuts on his left arm, and still no one knows.

that changed, when one day, hyunjin spotted a raw cut dangerously close to his wrist. it was recess time, and jeongin was feigning happiness with his new group of friends.

he had fallen out with jisung during the start of year 8, and had found a new group of friends to sit with.

immediately, hyunjin grabbed jeongin’s right arm and dragged him away from the table he usually sat at.

“what’s up, hyunjin?”

jeongin had said, ignoring the itching feeling from his cut as hyunjin’s eyes watered, as if he was about to cry.

they were just standing in the empty hallway, and jeongin knew what he did wrong.

“why are you doing this?”

hyunjin questioned, grabbing jeongin’s left arm as the younger inhaled sharply due to the pain. the older boy sensed the way jeongin tensed up and he rolled up the long sleeve sweater that jeongin was wearing.

“you won’t understand.”

jeongin spat. he didn't expect his attitude to be like that, but it was and it came out the wrong way.

“i’m trying to help, jeongin. i may not understand what you’re going through, but i’ve already lost people from this, and i don’t want to lose you too.”

hyunjin’s tears were threatening to spill now, and jeongin felt like the older’s words really hit his heart. his eyes became stained with tears as he tried to find the right words.

“i’m sorry hyunjin, it’s just that- everything is so, so hard right now. there’s shit going on at home, school’s being shittier than usual and everything just seems terrible and i, i don’t know, i just want to- want to die.”

jeongin broke down in front of his long time crush as he clutched onto hyunjin, the older pulling him into a hug as jeongin cried into his shoulder.

they stayed like that for a while, and jeongin really felt the warmth and sincerity in hyunjin’s words. and he was happier, just a bit happier, then before.

after that, jeongin knew that hyunjin was there to listen, and even though the younger protested about going to the school nurse, knowing that she would call her parents, he went, because he knows hyunjin just wants whatever was the best for the younger.

with that mess, jeongin and hyunjin grew undeniably close, and jeongin fell in love once more.

anyone could tell the younger’s adoration wasn’t platonic, especially from the way he’s always clinging onto hyunjin during breaks.

iv.

the next time was a few months after the ordeal was over, and jeongin was slightly better now. every saturday, he had tutoring classes to attend at a place similar to koreatown. he liked it there, he enjoyed the classes and sharing ideas with his classmates and teachers.

and he especially liked it when hyunjin, jisung, felix and changbin would sometimes hang out there in the mall. he liked joining their hang-out sessions, it was fun, and it made him feel less lonely.

but today wasn't a particularly ideal hang out. jeongin was feeling down from being ignored at home and from being frustrated at not able to do the math questions he was given. looking down at the tiles, jeongin trailed behind the rest of the group as they ignored his existence.

this of course, meant that he had no one to talk to, and even though he was with friends, he felt lonelier than ever.

“nah i think we should stay at my house tonight.”

jisung and felix were arguing over their next plans already, something jeongin knows he’s gonna be left out of because of his strict parents.

it wasn't that that made him sad though, it was the fact that they blatantly made plans without jeongin right in front of him when he was trying to talk.

“no way lix, my house is way closer.”

jisung sniggered as changbin stood on felix’s side, being his best friend and all. hyunjin, on the other hand, didn't seem very pleased. jeongin had caught him glancing at him every once in a while, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

“guys. can we not make plans right now?”

hyunjin spoke up and looked at jeongin, the others following his eyes before looking back in confusion.

“why?”

changbin smiled heartily as jisung and felix already started walking. jeongin sulked more, he just wanted to go to kfc and then disappear.

“jeongiiiinnnn, why are you sad?”

hyunjin whined as he put an arm around jeongin’s shoulder, the younger not reacting at all.

“i’m not.”

he said defiantly, he felt like everyone could see he was sad apart from the three oblivious idiots he calls friends.

“yeah you are, i can tell.”

hyunjin smiled, walking as he laid his head on jeongin’s shoulder, making the shorter blush as he continued walking with his eyes down.

“it just happens. i’m just sad for no reason, hyunjin.”

he smiled slightly, albeit a little hurt by their friends’ inconsideration. hyunjin gave a sad pout, and pulled jeongin closer to his side.

“you know i’m always here right?”

he asked and jeongin nodded. they were just walking past the arcade now, and jeongin’s eyes lit up at the sight of their friends waiting for them.

“let’s have fun now, yeah?”

jeongin smiled, and left hyunjin’s side to join the other three as the older boy followed behind, also smiling.

jeongin knew, he always had a shoulder to lean on.

v.

they were on holidays when an unexpected turn happened in their lives. jeongin was chilling on his hotel bed in hong kong, the group chat with his best same age friends opened as they had a conversation of jeongin’s sexuality.

jeongin laughed as chenle and daehwi continuously asked questions, as both were kinda bi-curious and exploring the gay lifestyle, as they would put it.

@daehwll  
so like, do you prefer boys or girls???

@ch.zhong  
how did you… realise?

@yyji01  
you sorta just know  
i prefer boys lol

@daehwll  
is it weird somehow?

@yyji01  
wait i fucked up  
screenshots of convo

@ch.zhong  
confess to him!  
quick!!

“fuckkkk.”

jeongin drawled on, he knew he fucked up but it wasn't his fault! he was just spamming hyunjin with random letters in their chat, it wasn't his fault that ‘ily’ decided to show up in a row!

so now, jeongin has accidentally ‘confessed’ and he couldn't get out of it.

@3_jinnie  
innie?  
do you have something you  
wanna tell me?

@yyji01  
hhhhh no?

@3_jinnie  
okay simple question. do you like  
me? is that what this is or???  
what?

@yyji01  
What

@3_jinnie  
just answer the question  
i don’t mind what your answer is

@yyji01  
in what context?

lies, jeongin already knew he was heads over heels in love with hyunjin, but there was no way he was gonna tell him.

not yet, at least.

@3_jinnie  
i’m just confused ok  
what do you think

@yyji01  
idk man

@3_jinnie  
what does that meaaaN

@yyji01  
it MEANS IDK

@3_jinnie  
ok. you either know or you don’t.  
listen.  
do you like me?  
if so, it’s ok.  
if not, it’s ok.

jeongin was extremely confused, and flustered, to say the least. he was squirming around uncomfortably with his phone in his hand, and screenshots were being sent into his group chat with the 01 boys.

a few seconds later, hyunjin sent another message through, and jeongin felt immense relief at the boys’ understanding.

@3_jinnie  
hey. it’s ok jeongin. you don’t have  
to tell me now i just want you to  
know that whatever your answer  
is, it’s ok. we can talk about it :)

@yyji01  
ok

@3_jinnie  
ok as in you’ll tell me now?

@yyji01  
it’s weird.  
i don’t want to lose our  
friendship over something  
so stupid.

@3_jinnie  
well why don’t you tell me how  
you feel and i can respond?

@yyji01  
it’s weird  
Emotions

@3_jinnie  
jeongin this isn’t going anywhere

@yyji01  
i know

when hyunjin read the message and hesitated to respond, jeongin had already typed out a new one. his thumb hovered over the send button as he reread the message he wrote, ‘maybe i do like you’. he was nervous, for some reason. he had never been this scared before either.

but after asking his group chat for advice, he decided to finally send that message.

then he saw that hyunjin had read the message, and immediately, jeongin turned his phone off, vowing to never touch it again.

though he did, and it was the best decision of his life.

he opened the chat with hyunjin and smiled, his heart beating like crazy.

@3_jinnie  
wow i  
so to confirm, do you like, like me?

@yyji01  
take a wild guess buddy.

@3_jinnie  
i’m taking that as a yes and uh  
jeongin i don't know how to describe  
this but i have never felt something  
like this before. but i will tell you, my  
hearts’ beating really damn fast right  
now. whether it’s from excitement,  
nervousness, happiness, or fear, or  
all of that at once. but i’m really glad  
you told me.

@yyji01  
so like, what’s your response?

@3_jinnie  
tAkE a WiLd GuEsS bUdDy

jeongin smiled at his phone, and his smile stretched even wider when hyunjin sent him a picture of him blushing.

without hesitating this time, jeongin sent a bunch of hearts with the message cute and goodnight in the centre.

“goodnight, jinnie.”

he smiled to himself when hyunjin sent back 2 hearts.

and then he knew, he wasn't the one falling this time.

**Author's Note:**

> this is actually based off my life, and uh i don't talk to the girl anymore. we fell out and now we're nothing more than like strangers (lowkey enemies bcuz i think she hates me)


End file.
